Its been a while! Happy New Year 2007!

Jeez I haven't been in here in ancient years...and who knows when I'll be back after that.

Well, since last time I've gotten over my depression, worked on healing, and moved on with life. My friends are doing well, life is good, and I met this really fantastic person....  He's beautiful. haha. If I called him adorable he'd prolly scold me. lol Its so weird how things rolled out. I miss him right now and I hope he's doing okay. He's really special to me and to our "family" hehe

I get teased sometimes about liking him. heh. maybe I should ask him if he's ever gotten teased for liking me. Its stupid, our friends are so strange. lol. But we are family in a sense.

Happy New Years Everyone!!

That person I was a couple years ago isn't anymore, I know i've changed and I see the differences...

I don't want what life is offering me at this moment, I still am waiting for something else.

Trip is in two days, and I'll be busy.  Jenni, if I don't get to you by then  just know I'm still worried  about you. As for Karina glad to hear you are back. I'll talk to you guys whenever my hectic life of being a senior calms down a bit.

Not much to say, but also for Nagai if she ever returns... things only can be explained when there is time, and who knows when we will ever get time again.

Tired...

Hi people

nothing much happening here... its just that I've been busy again with planning and such.  I have a trip to go on tommorrow, then another the next week... and the last one I don't know when but I think its the beginning of next month, so yeah.

I didn't really care, and said I wouldn't care about the trips until last minute with getting stuff and such, and here I am! -_- I still need to get stuff, and its next week!! Now I feel really anxious, I don't know how things will be, and arrgh... I have to be on the plane with some people that I rather not be around....joy.  I hate how they've done this trip... Why couldn't we just choose which plane to go on? jeez.

Ugh, I have things to do now here, so I better get to it so I don't hear complaining later...

~Mikari

Stories, foot pain, and trip, oh my!

I'm trying to write a story now yet again!  I dunno, I really liked how this one was turning out, so I began typing it to post it on fiction press.  I needed to put my mind on something else after the recent fight I had.  It wasn't too bad, and I got over it cuz I just thought about it... it's really not worth it.  I have other things to worry about now as the end of this school year gets closer.

I went out looking for stuff for the prom and trip today, but now I have some kind of trouble with my foot! T_T I think its arthritis building up, but then again I can't be really sure.  It hurt all in my joints by my last three toes and on top of my foot all I could do was go back home and lay down.  I went to go check it out cuz at that time it really was killing me, and there was a huge dip in the top of my foot!  It looked like part of my foot was gone, and it was swollen everywhere else... ugh.

I did get some shirts and gear to wear on the trip along with sunglasses and sandals.  I  also found these shoes that I could wear for prom before the trip was cut short due to my foot.  I just hope its better by time I have to leave.

I wonder why the person I'm going to prom with actually wants to go, and with me.  I start to think about that more often as the months go by.  I really didn't want to go, but after a while I thought I might regret not going later on, so now I decided I will.  I'm just worried now about how that day is going to be as well.

My stomach hurts right now.  I wasn't supposed to eat cheese due to me being lactose intolerant but oh well.  I couldn't help it! T_T I've always liked cheese!  It sucks that now I'm lactose intolerant... I miss the good ol' days where I could eat it without a problem...

Well sayonara for now!  shout out to Karina and Jenni!

~ <3 mikari

Relationships and Friendships

This whole thing is crazy as to what is going on lately, and today tops it.  All day long people have been talking to me about relationships or friendships.  For most people, and most of my friends I've been hearing the same thing. I guess its true after I got a message today from Azules.  I am truly sorry about it all if you are reading... I have changed, and I continue to. It seems that I don't even notice them myself, but I have.  Everyone, don't think I'm neglecting you or do not want to talk to you anymore.  Also, its not because of a problem I was having a few months ago with someone, no these aren't the reasons at all...

If you have tried to IM me and got my away message, its because most of the time I'm barely on anymore to sit and chat cuz I don't want to as much anymore.  I used to love to, and now its different.  Now I just rather not be bothered when I'm on, I rather just get to whatever I want to go to and get back off.  Some of you are saying, well why don't you just not sign on to AIM or go on invisble? Believe me, I wish I could, I even tried.  Thing is I have DIAL UP.  That means, thru the service I'm on it shows when I'm online cuz it makes me sign into my screen name to get internet access.  With this version on AOL, I can't go invisible.  Its stupid, but I can't.  So I just put up an away message for when I'm on.  We've already tried to get DSL or high speed, but there was all this BS about not being in the specific area to get it, and blah blah blah, so yeah.  My week is more busy now, and by time my day is over all I want to do is sleep.  I don't want to talk as much as I used to cuz after the whole day of doing whatever needs to be done and school and getting a few minutes to talk to my mom, my energy is zapped.  All I rather do is sleep and prepare for more work, deadlines, etc.  I probably can talk to you on the weekend, cuz that's when I have the most time and don't have to worry about running back and forth and such.  Things I've learned, it really can bug my mom too during the week.  Another thing, its not just one person that complains... I've come to know a lot of people, and everyone complains about visiting, sleepovers, etc.  ... there are only 24 hrs in a day, and I wish it were longer but sadly its not. I can't entertain everyone at once, and even though I try to explain that it seems like some of the people I talk to still don't get it and that gets frustrating.  I'm not trying to make people upset, but its just how it is.  Sometimes too I rather just have time to think and have time to myself.  Alone.  

That's where relationships come in as well.  No I don't think I still can be in a relationship anytime soon.  I've been borderlining it for so long, but I still don't just accept to one cuz I don't think I can handle everything that comes with it.  The result: people are upset with me.   I had a talk with a friend in gym today about it, and he seemed to understand somewhat.  He also put me in a new light to what to think about stuff.  To settle it, I don't know when I'll be really in an official relationship but I'll probably hold off for a few more months... at least until my life is a little more straighter...

Rejection is hard, but it must be done. -_- I just hate that I can't do it right... I got some people who stalk me now and then some who are mad at me.  I still try to be friends tho.  With some.  The others are just...argh, I'd never be with them, and I never understand why I'd accept to their outlandish ways. -_-

Last thing, I don't know if I could even let down my emotional barrier  and open up to someone ever again.  The first time I didn't believe that I would, but I did, and it brought lots of pain with it.  I don't want that again, to feel emotional pain like I did the last time.  It took a long time to recover from that...

Somethings went unsaid that I wish I had said before when I could have.  I know there isn't a reset button, so all I can do is live with it and go on the best way I know how.

~Mikari